fatalité.

you can't fight fate. 

that's been my saying lately.

mostly because I'm starting to realize there are certain things I have no control over.
actually, a lot of things.

but everything happens for a reason. you meet people in your life, may even become close with them, but the fact of the matter is that life always moves on. the older we get, the harder we have to work at friendship. we only get to see those people that are important to us every once in a great while. people start to mean more, and visits seem to happen less. i'm slowly learning to deal with this, but it's a hard thing to become used to.

the whole system is backwards to me.

it feels like there isn't a thing i can do. but i can't help but wonder sometimes. everyone that has ever stepped into my life has impacted me in some way. some for the better while others have taught me lessons and mistakes i won't ever repeat. but how come i let the good people slip out of my life? how come so many ties have been broken? when i really start to think about it, it makes me upset with myself. all of those amazing people i just let slip through my life. or those in my life that i have hurt. once it's done it seems it can't be reversed.
things just won't ever be the same.
but i will always have hope.

“Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, 

we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, 

we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us,

nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends.”

but i will say this. i am extremely grateful for the people in my life right at this moment.
i have no idea where i would be without them.
yeah like i said earlier, as you get older friendship gets harder; but you also learn very quickly who your true friends are. the ones that won't ever hurt you. that won't ever stab you in the back.
the ones that are always there.
& that number might not be as high as you'd like. it's not high school anymore.
only a select few really will always be there.

i am so glad to say that i consider my family my friends.
and i mean my whole family. not just my immediate family.
we're talking about aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, you name it.
& i don't care what you say really. but my family is truly the best out there.
we would do anything for each other. we live at each others houses.
partly because we all live within walking distance. but hey. no matter.

if you know me well enough, you know my family is related in all sorts of weird ways.
so we're naturally closer than most :)
but that doesn't change the fact that i feel blessed to have them. it's such a comforting feeling to know that i can call any single one of them for anything and they'll do it without question. it's just what we do.

we sacrifice for one another.
always have and always will.

you could say at this time in my life i'm up & i'm down.
i'm sad about those i have lost in my life, but i'm so extremely grateful for those i have now.
it's all part of life.
part of learning lessons & growing as an individual.

yes i have made some pretty awful mistakes. but i don't regret them.
i never will.
they have taught me to be a better person. just like all of the people who have stepped into my life.
which i honestly do believe wasn't by accident.
nothing happens by accident.
its all fate.

& you can't fight fate.