melancholy

mel·an·chol·y  

/ˈmelənˌkälē/

1. Sadness or depression of the spirits; gloom: 2. Pensive reflection or contemplation. Not sure how I'm feeling about it all. I watched a movie that changed my life. Sad and pathetic I know. But it made me think about my own happiness; & about my demons inside. We all have demons inside of us and they grow if we choose to feed them. What does it mean when a desire inside of you is so strong that it's all you can think about? You know it's not a good desire. In fact, there is no good in it at all. But it still is there, and still controls your every thought of every day. How do you turn it off? How do you make it go away so that happiness can bloom?  Still trying to figure that out.